Dear Readers,
My desire for my own newsletter goes clear back to second grade, when I wanted to make one called "Kid's News". Here's what the logo looked like (I drew it on my computer):
Unfortunately, I didn't get much farther than that. I couldn't decide what to put in it.
Oh, and by the way, in the Pet Vet show, The surgeon is played by Joseph, my brother, when he was in 5th grade (and still had a high voice), the Owner was my sister Emma (1st grade), and the Nurse was me (3rd grade).
Mary Moberly
Senior Editor of the
Tea and Crumpets
Pet Vet
Nurse: I wonder why we always have the same owner, and she always brings stuffed animals?
Surgeon: We are waiting for the animal as we speak.
Nurse: Oh, really?
Surgeon: Yeah. It should be here in a matter of seconds.
Nurse: What is it?
Surgeon: 3...2...1... She's not here.
Nurse: Well, what is it?
Surgeon: She didn't say.
Nurse: Call her! We know her phone number. It's right here in the phone book.
(Telephone ringing)
Surgeon: It's the answering machine. She's not there. She should be here soon.
Nurse: I'll go wait on the sidewalk.
Surgeon: Must be having trouble figuring out which pet to bring. She has so many of them.
(Arf!)
Surgeon: A dog? I've always wanted to do a dog patient. Cool.
(barking)
Surgeon: Why are you dragging it along on that leash?
Nurse: Yes. How dare you drag your dog around like that!
Owner: Pretend it's walking.
Nurse: Pretend?! Oh the poor animal!
Owner: Mary, how about it's walking.
Nurse: Ok.
Nurse: What appears to be wrong with your dog?
Owner: Ahem. The dog is sick.
Surgeon: In what way?
Owner: It sneezes a lot.
Nurse: Does it have a cold?
Owner: Probably. I don't know. I DON'T KNOW!
Surgeon: Is it active?
Owner: No.
(We hear the dog jumping on a file cabinet and barking)
Owner: It's not active! Mary, it's not active!
Surgeon: It appears very active.
Owner: Mary, don't do that!
Nurse: The dog appears to be making rock and roll music against the file cabinet.
Owner: Mary, come on! Don't do that!
Surgeon: Does you dog listen to too many CD's?
Owner: Well, he's listened to every CD I've listened to. He just lies there...
Nurse: He's banging his stomach against the file cabinet.
(Howling)
Nurse: And he's howling in pain.
(More howling)
Surgeon: Um... when you called you said that he had stomach pains and you said he wouldn't eat...
Owner: No, I didn't!
Nurse: Yes you did!
Owner: I never said that! I said he wouldn't play!
(Still howling)
Surgeon: He didn't play either, I know.
Owner: I never said he wouldn't eat!
Surgeon: I think the reason he doesn't eat--
Owner: I NEVER SAID HE DOESN'T EAT!
(Laughter)
Nurse: Okay. So. The dog is not eating.
(Dog is howling in pain)
Owner: Shiloh!
Nurse: His name is Shiloh.
Owner: Yeah. He's a beagle.
Surgeon: Why are you always saying, "His name is Shiloh!" and stuff like that?
Nurse: Because I feel like it! I'm a nurse!
Surgeon: I never had that sort of feeling. I guess it's because I'm not a nurse.
Nurse: We should take some X-rays to see if he has something lodged in his stomach. Or in his intestines.
Surgeon: Give me that dog.